So... I'm troubled, who doesn't have worries?

This is going to be me rambling something horrible so be forewarned.

Its really just the simple things that get us down right? I mean, I think that I shatter my core system nearly every week or so. Then I stare at the ground and begin to pick up the sharp pieces. It starts off with me getting cut on something like this: "Why am I alive?" and slowly as the pieces are re-assimilated, reborn or left behind, the inquiry degrades to such questions as "What's my purpose in life?" or "What's the point of school?" If I don't have a succinct answer or something that I can dig up quickly through some logic or inspiration, I start from scratch.

Some pieces of the old me are simply left on the ground and treated as only a memory, but I believe it is through this search that I am finding out some answers.

However, no, I don't claim to have any of the answers. In fact, the only thing I can tell you are possibly some things that aren't true. Its one thing for me to identify the broken discarded pieces of self, also known as failings, than it would be for me to express what the ideal "me" is. I mean to extrapolate this towards my search for truth. I'm not some all-powerful soothsayer, some grand philosopher king, some thrilling theologian, or some sort of expert on the Bible, but I take what I can and do with what I can in my limited space and time.

Perhaps the only wisdom I have stumbled upon, and that is only because I haven't found it false yet is that there are shards of truth in everything. It is just a matter of reaching in and getting your hands dirty in the things of this world. Then and only then do you experience the truth by cutting yourself on it.

Take the Halloween season for example. We, Catholics, tend to prefer All Soul's day which falls the day after Halloween and is a celebration of all those holy men and women that have gone before us. On the other hand, Halloween, the secular holiday, is sometimes frowned upon for its glorification of the morbid. I like to look at it a slightly different way. It is only through passing through the dark of Halloween that we emerge to the light of All Saints Day and All Soul's Day. Which I suppose leads to my justification for dressing as a vampire.

Vampires, in the old Bram Stoker sense, and not in the style of Twilight, Blade or even the original I am Legend sense, actually serve as to remind us of God much like the gargoyles of old served to remind us of the hideousness of sin. Vampires, you see, in the true sense are cursed beings for their offenses to God. They are therefore not wholly unlike us in our slavery to sin. In fact, their abject abhorrence for all things holy to the point of them incurring fatal wounds is still a nod to God's power.

At least when you compare them to most modern depictions of vampires that dumb down the whole vampire mystique to often nothing more than a genetic mutation or disease. Really, it is horribly disappointing as a reflection of how much so our culture has become obsessed with science to the point of our entertainment lacking any sort of spiritual mystique. Not to deny the specific rationale of science, but could one say that denial of the spiritual is irrational?

Now that I've digressed totally, let me clarify one thing. I have worries, and I think I can come up with rational answers to them which is not wholly a bad thing. What I am having trouble remembering to do is to drop everything of my own and remember the lesson of Peter walking on water. Look at God, focus on God and the maelstrom that is the world around you will matter not. I pray that someday I will be able to leave my worries at the altar and move on.

I leave you with my ramblings.

Go and set the world Ablaze!