Welcome to 2010

Or so I just realized... I just yesterday connected the fact that the "far off future" with flying cars and all those space age looking buildings used to be projected into this year: 2010. Now, here it is, and the best we have to look forward to is what? Going Green?

I find it hard to answer that question without looking at the current political trends and becoming rather depressed. Well, the negative me does that anyway. Really, as some might say, this all is a sign of our times, but the positive me must reject that notion. In fact, I would say the positive me sees the good and is relies on my negative side to keep the whole me realistic and practical. Not sure it is working really though.

Actually, what I intend to communicate this time in this little post is far more related to religion than where it looks like this is going now. In fact it might be closer to core where beliefs are.

Since last semester finished... or rather I should say that I survived the last couple weeks of school weeks scrambling to get projects done that I avoided for over a month while focusing on Japanese. My teachers were understanding and allowed my projects to be turned in when completed. I am actually pleased to note that I actually didn't skimp on the research before working on them. The problem is that one heavy thought project streamed into the next so thoroughly that I felt overwhelmed and exhausted immediately following the semester. In fact, between work, Christmas stuff, snow and everything else, I feel kind of like I've had no break. What I've been asking myself of late is why?

I want to blame it simply on all the stuff going on around me, but that can't really be the whole reason. Unlike the me six months ago, I currently watch a lot of movies (mostly from redbox), play a myriad of facebook games, hit kongregate, and watch aimless TV (CSI, random movies, NCIS, etc). These, of course, all in addition to my normal periodic reading goals that crop up, youtube-ing, and video game playing. I can't help but wonder about my massive increase in time that I dedicate to entertainment. Actually, I still partially blame this on my exhaustion. The last month me, could probably be best compared with either a zombie or a robot. It has been like I've been watching me from inside a cave waiting for the real me to stop drinking lethe's water and to awaken to reality.

So, you might be asking, what does this have to do with God, beliefs, or anything. That is actually the simple part and the punch line. It's like I've forgotten it, or have been stalling putting it back into action, but it's "render unto Caesar" and
"to God what is God's." I've been squandering time and lost focus is what it comes down to. Instead of worrying about the real problem (my lack of a goal), I've been worrying about the symptoms (my daily petty emotions).

I won't discuss the intricacies of my search for a long term goal, but suffice to say my difficulty lies in trust and hope. There are too many unknowns and when I over think things with too many unknowns I tend to drop in despair. Those of you who know me, can hardly imagine that right? Well, that's because I have a goal, a substance, a focus when I am around people. It is far more difficult for me to trust in a future goal.

Go set all Afire

P.S.
Now, in reflecting back on what I've written here, I yet again wonder if what I am doing here is simply a way to self-medicate my worries and troubles. Here out where "someone" might see it perchance gives me hope? My mind simply is going over too many possibilities. I write here because I have chosen to share my reality that others might benefit from it.